sick and tired...

I am so sick and tired.. How I wish tomorrow is an end.. God is always testing us as we moving into a new generation and to the last day when Christ will be coming back to us. I feel that I don't want to post my status on facebook already.. It's time to change my postings and comments to my blog.. A more hidden place online where not so many people know about my blog.. I always feel so strong.. Recently really am very weak already.. I cried for the past 2days and I believed that I will still be crying today and tomorrow till the day when I'm totally healed by the power of God.. I feel that I got no friends.. So many friends who are real in reality don't really have the time to care.. Actually what I need is to have a person who is physically there to listen, to hug and to cry out to.. Last time I did have the special someone in human, but ever since there are some changes to his life (whereby he got a gf) I feel that it's hard for me to communicate with him.. I really feel very troubled and sick.. I am so tired.. Very very tired.. No motivation to move on.. But always God is asking me to breathe on for his purpose for me.. Today I didn't go for work is because I am so tired.. I knew I need some time off.. Just for sometimes.. I need a break and rest.. :( I need to do something to change the situation.. I wanna do God's will and see His miracle to come.. But I know that the time will be soon.. But I hope that God will just provide me His great and mighty financial as so to go and study the School of Theology.. So that I can apply what I have learned in the bible to move on and be strong in depending on God alone.. It is really good to think back of how I can get my popularity..:) hahaha.. I'm always unique.. I want to get into as many ground as possible.. As many countries as possible.. I want to move into greater heights to serve.. Many things I'm learning.. Well my primary calling is for God.. And I need to know my stand clear.. The reason why I'm still in need of learning who God because I always will forget who He really is.. God is so kind to me.. And He always encourages me with His everything.. I'm so weak, yet He always reminded me that He is always strong and will be always there for me.. I just need His guide.. To an eternal peace and Love of His.. I need to know God more.. I need to love Him more.. He has used many ways to touch my heart and I am very happy for that.. I need to build a career out of His will and not of my own.. Every situations He letting me experience is because He want me to learn His deeper love.. I am willing God, use me O Lord.. God will lead me under His examples.. I will need to move on very soon.. So that I will not forget Him as my beloved Heavenly Father, Comforter and as Friend.. I need to be more wise and lead others also by examples.. I'm still learning and I believe that soon I can teach.. It will be really soon!!:) Well, God bless all!!:D





To Be Continued...:)

Life Experiences......

It is a cool experience that i have been in 2011...

Jan 2011 to May 2011... i was having a hard time because i have quitted carrefour in Dec2010 and is wondering around... I was thinhking and planning of what to do... well, assuredly, my heart is faded off from God slowly.. I feel that there is no meaning to be so committed anymore.. Because what i wish in the cg is compromising and more... Well, i got many many doubts.. Actually i was going to SOT, but there are too many obstructions... In the end i changed my mind... And now I'm so confused once again... I wanna form my group of playmates; the group whereby i can care and give advise to.. The family that i wanna build is through my sincere heart... I don't mind to sacrifice.. i just want my friends around to be happy and joyful... using my heart to feel and listen to their cries within is what i really want..:D

hmmm actually from this 5months, i atually learnt many many things at one goal.. within this year, i will learn much more about life... i learned the true karma, the real forgiveness and to be friend from "a hard to forgive heart" to a peaceful heart... i also learnt how to trust in a stranger and the learning of what is negotiations in more wise way... i want to be a leader by my experiences.. that is why i need to be more successful... I need to move into another higher level of ground... i need more experience in life..


I learned about planning and sales.. i learn about to be openly giving feedback to people... i hope my kindness will gain more blessing to myself.. i need to change the way of how i think and see things... i need to move into higher ground of faith.. It takes time, patience, faith, trust, and changes to be made within myself.. God is watching me from far above... He is guiding me through the Holy Spirit... I am going to a deeper relationship... God is always helping me to go into deeper and greater in believes.. God is good all the time and all the time God is good..:D


I learned that when i'm hopeless, down, depressed and despair; God will show His grace and mercy in the end of each moment..:) God is really good... I will need to remember to praise Him for all the glory that He has shown... Hallelujah... Thank God for His mercy and kindness... I really hope for a brighter and greater breakthroughs in financial area too.. :) Trust is the Word.. Hallelujah.. i will need to confess the positive of God always too!!:) i need to press on to the higher calling from above.. i will always need to know that whatever i get is not because of myself; but by God's grace from above... Hallelujah!!:D









To Be Continued...:D

Life experiences...

Start of kindergarden... My mother and father faced many financial problems that i do not understand and know... my life is slowly turnin to be a little naughty at times... I remembered that mostly of my art homework is done by my mother.. hahaha.. that is funny.... hmm i remembered i was bullied by my younger brother very often... My mother often cane my brother and scolded me. Seems that scolding is efficent to me rather to beat me.. in K2, my mother caned me because i was very rebellious and disobedience.. but that canning is very useful.. seems that i am very sensible person, cause throughout my life i was diciplined by physical beatings only 2 to 3 times whereby my brother was really numerous of times.... WOW!! that is very cool.. kindergarden period is shortly 2 years but throughout the process i become fatter.. things started to be changed...

Life experiences...

The memories that i remembered from young is that i am a very obediant girl who has favors from many of my relatives.. I used to be happy, easily give up things so that i can be happy as i do not really experience the true joy of achieving something bigger than just to give up. Whenever i play catching with my cousins, i don't like to be the catcher. hahaha because it is very hard to be a catcher... i use to be very obedient to adult and i am a very likeable kid to many seniors... I do not know wyi am so favorable even up to now... :) i remember that i have an experience whereby i tell my aunties aout my uncle's mahjong tiles... Funny funny funny!!:D And days before i was in kindergarden are very positive.. i really enjoyed everything... My mother started gambles at the age when i was around 4 or 5yr old before i was in kindergarden.